Saturday, November 10, 2012

Getting Ready to Heal

Last night for the first time in my life I watched a movie so horrific that it seemed real. It was Precious. I had been wanting to see it and I watched it.  It brought back so many memories for me.. My mom's abuse was so vivid in my mind it was like watching a video in rewind it was horriable. I couldn't imagine treating a child like that. I just kind of identified with her I was over weight and didn't have many friends. Nobody cared someone had called CPS on my mom she cussed them out and slammed the door so they left never to come back again. It was like wow there's someone out there to help and they just left.  I couldn't believe it. When I was a child I asked about my dad his name where he worked where he was from. As a child I had hoped he wanted us (I am a twin) I was hoping he would come get us and save us from this alchohalic psychotic nut. He never did I gave up hope. It was depressing and heart breaking eventually as an adult I searched for him though due to him having a common name I couldn't find him. Just people with similar names. Finally I left a message on a phone. I didn't think I would get a call back.  I did it was him.  He called me I gave him questions. It probally felt more like an interrorgation. I asked him if he knew my mom what his birthdate was.  I peppered him with questions.  I had found him we talked on the phone I talked to my half sisters.  I have since met him and my step mom and my grandma and my cousins and aunts.  It is so hard to believe here's this loving family when I was raised in pure hell.  I was like god my sisters are so lucky.  I get emotional I think that he loves me and wants to be in my life. I wonder what he thinks sometimes. I wonder what goes through his mind.  Sometimes it keeps me up at night wondering.  Especially now that I have a family I really want him to be in our lives.  Has anyone else ever found some long lost family.


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